You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
