bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
