I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
