Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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