hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
