I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
