He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
