you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
