Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
