Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
