Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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