First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
