think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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