i will never coherently bang her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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