So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
