Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
