Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
