I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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