Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
