All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
