Im at strip club and am horny
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
