oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
