Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
