two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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