I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
