I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
