One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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