i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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