I wish my penis had an off switch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
