Cold hands, warm shart.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
