Can i not drive my cunt home
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
