they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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