I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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