I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
