Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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