I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
