Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My breasts were aching with rage.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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