Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
