the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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