This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
