I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
