its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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