So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
