im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
