yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My pussy is not your playground.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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