Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
