where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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