You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is Oprah even human
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
