didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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