You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
