I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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