just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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