I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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